Character Style Mini-Profiles

Character Styles Mini-Profiles Treat Me Special When I am given special treatment, I feel important, always get extra goodies. Therefore I will con people into treating me special. Positive payoff (need): attention,i.e., special attention, dominance over others, pride, proof of love. Negative payoff (cost): performance anxiety, self-centered personality viewed as unreal, resentment of others. it is tiring to always have to demand and 'con' special attention - tiring for both parties involved. Roots: no goodies from family; 'specialized' by family, been used to objectify; anger at being ripped off. Got used to it. Sorry about that I died ten years ago ... If I am dead, no one can kill me. Don't like others feeling. Isolated anesthesia (ex. numb hands) Positive payoff (need): anesthesia, escape from feeling both pleasure and pain, safety, invisibility, avoidance of anxiety, involvement and competition. Negative payoff (cost):Lack of feeling and excitement, loneliness, boring, deathly personality, mistrust. Roots: bad stuff happened early in life. can tell you when did it, offed myself. Going through the motions of life, can't feel. Poverty fantasy life or death fantasies. Out of body. If I'm not here they can't hurt me. If I don't invest anything, i will never lose (or win) Positive payoff (need): certainty, safety, predictability, camouflage. Negative payoff (cost): no success, no humor, undeveloped personality, flat affect, drab existence, boring life. (close to above but not preoccupied with death, out of body mostly.) If you can't be good, be vague If they can't pin me down, they can't catch me and judge me). boring, nothing happens in life. Positive payoff (need): control (through deception), get away with murder by sounding good, attention ("would you please clarify that"). Negative payoff (cost): misunderstood, mistrusted, not taken seriously. Kill them with words, words, words If I talk fast, artfully, and use big words, no one will be able to confront me, and I will have all the attention and power. Positive payoff (need): talent with words, powerful, avoidance of confrontation, assertive, often respected as being educated. Negative payoff (cost): can't be understood, boring, tedious personality. Airline Stewardess (mostly women) As long as I keep moving through relationships, as long as I keep it light, I will be safe. Positive payoff (need): safety from involvement and intimacy, superficial contact benefits, object of lust. Negative payoff (cost): no roots/stability, not taken seriously, transient, superficial. Since physical attractiveness is so necessary, fear of loss of beauty and sexual power. Notes: Basically nice, abused by men, can't find permanent relationship, Family taught that intimacy=brutality, will bring it out. I don't care If I don't care. people will care for me. and they can't get me. Positive payoff (need): avoidance of responsibility, assertion, anger, dependency. Negative payoff (cost): bitterness, passivity, victimization, oppression, powerlessness. Icarus Once upon a time I flew too close to the sun, the sun melted my wings and I crashed to earth. Obviously heroism only ends in disaster. Positive payoff (need): avoidance of risk and struggle, dramatization of old melodrama, living in the past. Negative payoff (cost): security, caution, suspicion, bitterness, lack of future.roots: traumatic event, withdrawal-adventurousness Kina Hora, Kina, Hora: God should protect me Unless I offset pleasure with pain, the evil eye will bring disaster upon me. Can't brag, can't take credit for anything, God did it. Pride goeth before the fall. Meek shall inherit the earth Positive payoff (need):avoidance of intensity through sacrificial system.keeps low profile Negative payoff (cost): Nothing comes for free, no intense pleasure, discounting of compliments and other positive strokes. Notes Starve to death. Jews and ltalians-Meditteraneans. never say something good is happening or bad is good-must ward off the evil eye. Watch out for crazy If I act crazy enough, I can reap the benefits of institutionalization. Positive payoff (need):avoids intimacy, gets taken care of, has "fragile power" and is often treated with kid gloves. Negative payoff (cost): loss of freedom, boredom, dependency, must always act crazy, loneliness (it is hard to make contact with a crazy person) The Loser If I try really hard, I will get support from others. dumb. And when I fail in the end, I will get sympathy and nurturance. Positive payoff (need) :support, assurance, sympathy, pity, attention, predictability (the strugggle always ends in failure), and a good excuse to quit Negative payoff (cost): no victory, low self-esteem, self-doubt, discouragement, feeling of being lost, misplaced and useless, self-hate. The Martyr, the Victim If I selflessly dedicate myself to the nurturance of others, they will need and love me forever. Positive payoff (need): Feels needed, self-righteous, condoned by Christian culture as heroic, high self-esteem, gets sympathy, avoids assertion. Negative payoff (cost):loss off self, anger for always getting the short-end of the deal, suffering, self-deprivation, depression and psychosomatic symptoms. Egore If I scare people, they will not confront me or even come near me. Intimidation. Positive payoff (need):Maximum safety from confrontation and being known, power. Negative payoff (cost): mistrusted, feared, ,is understood, lonely, may be imprisoned. dreams of killing them. talks about Fairy Princess/Prince in a Tower. Since I am special, I must wait for the special one. When s/he comes to me, then I will live. Positive payoff (need): security, insulation, unchallenged sense of high self-esteem, fantasy existence, high frustration tolerance. Negative payoff (cost): waiting for Godot who never comes, isolation, never satisfied, un-real, negation of life. waiting, no one's perfect enough. Perennial Child If I am a little person, Big People will take care of me. Positive payoff (need): for women this is culturally condoned, the per. child is rescued, nurtured, protected, financially supported. H/she gets to be irresponsible, impulsive, passive. There is also the fun of magical thinking as well as the simplicity of object splitting (i.e. all-or- nothing/black-and-white thinking) tunnel vision, hassles about sexuality, power issues, anger at not being taken seriously Negative payoff (cost):Little personal power, cannot afford to be angry, objectifies people, anger is turned inward (depression, psychosomatic symptoms, passive aggression,) cannot be autonomous. Good girl - good boy If I am good and do what is expected of me, I will be accepted. If I am always "on the sunny side," I will be a joy to have around. · Positive payoff (need): protection, acceptance, avoidance of confrontation, employment and longterm relationships, possible success and respect of community. The kingdom of Heaven. High frustration tolerance. also-perfect, culturally condoned, no pain, alltoy, insulated, socially viable," people like me." Negative payoff (cost):Seen as unreal ands superficial, cannot afford to rebel and be angry, performance pressure is constant, loss of self, fear of being seen as "un-good sometimes," choices come from without rather than from within, not allowed to make mistakes, not allowed to get dirty. also: not trustworthy, plays (is not) superficial. Razor's Edge If I am a hero, my boring life will be exciting and I will be exciting to other people. also: afraid of boredom, feeling they're on a stage, theatrical soap opera, will tell trauma in minute detail. Positive payoff (need): Melodrama compensates for drab environment and boring life, written script provides the words and plot (predictability), attention and admiration, exciting to people (life of the party), avoidance of deeper problems and self. Negative payoff (cost): strain, struggle"try, try, try ...just a little bit harder," exhaustion, burnout, self-destruction, a tragic end. Smother Mother If I smother you with love, I can control and posess you. Positive payoff (need):feels wanted, indispensable, controls environment, avoids own problems, avoids loneliness. Negative payoff (cost): worry based on being always responsible for others, must keep the other person on a powerless/dependent position, object of ambivalence at best and resentment at worst, rejected for being intrusive, nosey and judgmental. Nancy Nurse (Rescuer) If I am there to assist (save), no matter how oppressive the job, I will be needed. Positive payoff (need): high self-esteem, (praised by community), employed, feels useful, has some identity in society, avoids loneliness.