Ten Prayers for a Loving Marriage

Ten Prayers for a Loving Marriage In an unconscious marriage, you assume that your partner's role in life is to take care of your needs magically. In a conscious marriage, you let go of this narcissistic view and divert more and more of your energy to meeting your partner's needs. The following lists the ten characteristics as they appear in Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix, with prayers for each characteristic, blending our relationship work with the modality of asking for help through articulated yearning. 1. YOU REALIZE THAT YOUR LOVE RELATIONSHIP HAS A HIDDEN PURPOSE - THE HEALING OF CHILDHOOD WOUNDS. Instead of focusing entirely on surface needs and desires, you learn to recognize the unresolved childhood issues that underlie them. When you look at marriage with this X-ray vision, your daily interactions take on more meaning. Puzzling aspects of your relationship begin to make sense to you, and you have a greater sense of control. ROFAY YOU TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR COMMUNICATING YOUR NEEDS AND DESIRES TO YOUR PARTNER. In an unconscious marriage, you cling to the childhood belief that your partner automatically intuits your needs. In a conscious marriage, you accept the fact that, in order to understand each other, you have to develop clear channels of communication. KULANU: ADONA! SIFOTAI TIFTAKH: HEALER WITHIN, ARISE: MASTER-TRAINER OF CLEAR COMMUNICATIONS: Let healing be the guiding image determining my words and actions. May today's interactions my partner, advance the healing that we each seek. May the mystery of our love-relationship's hidden purpose be more and more apparent to each of us during our daily interactions. May we elucidate each other with healing x-ray vision as we grow to become better allies. Yah open up my lips: Source of intercommunication, open my soul to know my own needs and desires as they shift from moment to moment. Open my mouth and courage to reveal them to my partner. May my communication increase in clarity so that I don't remain silent, unrealistically expecting my love to be clairvoyant to know my needs when I don't even know them myself and can't say them. 2. YOU CREATE A MORE ACCURATE YOUR PARTNER. 4. YOU BECOME MORE INTERACTIONS. IMAGE OF At the very moment of attraction, you began fusing your lover with your primary caretakers. Later you projected your negative traits onto your partner, further obscuring your partner's essential reality. As you move toward a conscious marriage, you gradually let go of these illusions and begin to see more of your partner's truth. You see your partner not as your savior but as another wounded human being, struggling to be healed. MI SHEHBAYRAKH AVOTAYNU V'IMOTAYNU: GUIDE OF THE RELATIONSHIPS OF ALL OUR ANCESTORS: Help me to slow down and see __, my partner, more kindly. Aid me to become more aware of introjections from the past. May I not repeat the errors of my original family. May I lessen my negative projections on ____ , my partner, (whom I chose to love and heal and to be loved and healed by, not to serve as a convenient mirror for my unconsciousness negativity.) May I recognize the wounded being in _____ , my partner, which seeks healing. INTENTIONAL IN YOUR In an unconscious marriage, you tend to react without thinking. You allow the primitive response of your old brain to control your behavior. In a conscious marriage, you train yourself to behave in a more constructive manner. KHOKHMA BINA V'DA'AT: GREAT UNLIMITED MIND OF THE UNIVERSE: May I react less automatically from my wounded self. May my primitive brain remain in the background as we both struggle with each other's healing tasks. May I become more and more constructive in times of stress. 6asetfon (jetting the .Loveyou 'Want 6y :f{arvi{[e :f{entfri'i( sense of oneness is to develop the hidden traits within yourself. 5. YOU LEARN TO VALUE YOUR PARTNER'S NEEDS AND WISHES AS HIGHLY AS YOU VALUE YOUR OWN. TOV UMAYTIV MOTHER- ALLY OF OUR SOULS: GIVER TO ALL: May I come to know__, my partner's, needs and wishes and value them as highly as I value my own. May I become able to give more to my love. May my narcissism lessen in this relationship. 6. YOU EMBRACE PERSONALITY. THE DARK SIDE OF YOUR In a conscious marriage, you openly acknowledge the fact that you, like everyone else, have negative traits. As you accept responsibility for this dark side of your nature, you lessen your tendency to project your negative traits onto your mate, which creates a less hostile environment. MI SHEH-YOTZER SHEKHINAH: LAKOL: OR U'VORAY May I become whole in this relationship. This is the strength of our relationship - each of us has what the other lacks. May I search within myself for the strengths and abilities I am lacking. May I be a good teacher and a good student to acquire these hidden traits which I still lack in myself. May my sense of oneness grow in this relationship. my partner's sense of oneness grow in this relationship. 9. YOU BECOME MORE AWARE OF YOUR DRIVE TO BE LOVING AND WHOLE AND UNITED WITH THE UNIVERSE. As a part of your God-given nature, you have the ability to love unconditionally and to experience unity with the world around you. Social conditioning and imperfect parenting made you lose touch with these qualities. In a conscious marriage, you begin to rediscover your original nature. KHOSHEKH: FORMER OF LIGHT, CREATOR OF DARKNESS: Let me embrace the dark side of my self. Let me know my work. May my consciousness become less globally hostile, project less, know more. Let our living environment become less hostile and more nurturing. May I grow to integrate more of my shadow in this relationship. 7. YOU LEARN NEW TECHNIQUES TO SATISFY YOUR BASIC NEEDS AND DESIRES. During the power struggle, you cajole, harangue, and blame in an attempt to coerce your partner to meet your needs. When you move beyond this stage, you realize that your partner can indeed be a resourcefor you - once you abandon your selfdefeating tactics. HA-M'LAMED OHEVAMO: LOVER OF ALL: May I become more aware of my drive to be loving and whole and united with the universe. May I become more able to love unconditionally as my God-given nature is able. May I grow in potential beyond the imperfect parenting and limited social conditioning which formed me. May I rediscover my loving original nature through this relationship. 10. YOU ACCEPT THE DIFFICULTY OF CREATING A GOOD MARRIAGE. In an unconscious marriage, you believe that the way to have a good marriage is to pick the right partner. In a conscious marriage, you realize you have to be the right partner. As you gain a more realistic view of love relationships, you realize that a good marriage requires commitment, discipline, and the courage to grow and change; marria e is hard work. LAKOL- UNIVERSAL TEACHER OF US ALL: May I continue to learn new techniques to satisfy my own basic needs and desires. May I blame ____, my partner, less and increase in ability more. May I abandon my self-defeating tactics and not overlook and take for granted the ways that ____ , my partner, is already a wonderful resource for me. 8. YOU SEARCH STRENGTHS LACKING. WITHIN YOURSELF FOR THE AND ABILITIES YOU ARE One reason you were attracted to your partner is that your partner had strengths and abilities that you lacked. In a conscious marriage, you learn that the only way that you can truly recapture a M'TZAVEH HAKOL: PRIME MOTIVATOR WITHIN US ALL: May I accept the difficulty of creating a good marriage. May I become more realistic about love relationships and find the commitment, and courage to grow and change and do the hard work every day. May I become more disci lined throu h this relationshi . Ga.serf on (jetting the Love you 'Want GyJ-{arvi{{eJ-{enrfri-;c